THE MINISTRY OF STUFF

Putting stuff in its place

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Gender Fluid

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In my day, there were two genders;  male and female.  Gender fluid was the reason that there was always a box of tissues and a packet of mints next to the bed.  Now, it seems that it means something else entirely.  One can be transgender, gender-neutral, cisgender, nonbinary or agenda to name but a few, but what’s it really all about?

The tradition assigning of gender is under question at the moment.  Whereas we used to consider gender to be based on certain birth characteristics, the current vogue is to assign gender based upon the feelings of the individual concerned.  Or to put it another way, being born with a cock and balls isn’t enough to make you a bloke.

I think transgender is probably the easiest of the spectrum of terms to understand.  A transgender individual is, or at least feels that they are, a person born with the wrong body.  They may have all the physical characteristics of a female but are in fact male on the inside.  Such individuals have the option of putting up with the situation and living as their physiology suggests, living as the gender that they feel they are inside, living in between the two genders, or having gender realignment surgery to get their body and mind in sync.  I can only imagine how difficult it must be to come to terms with a serious biological fuck up like this, and my heart goes out to anyone so affected.  The situation garners as much sympathy from me as any other birth defect, and I wish anyone who finds themselves in this situation well.

It’s the others that seriously piss me off.

Biologically speaking, there are two genders.  On one side, we have the males, and on the other, we have the females.  Each gender has its traditional stereotypes.  Boys like blue, fighting, beer and football.  Girls like pink, cooking, romantic novels and flowers.  If it were that simple in reality, there wouldn’t be a problem, but as with most stereotypes, these are misleading and inaccurate.  Very, very few people completely conform to either.

I know a good many guys who display traits that would more easily fit into the stereotypically female description, and a lot of women who behave in a way that would be accepted as more typically male.  Is that a problem?  Of course not. 

Is something wrong? 

Well, clearly there is.

Defining gender by the way a person behaves is ridiculous.  People are individuals, and should not be expected to conform to a set of behavioral rules assigned to them because of the genitalia that they were born with.  Such gender-based expectations are so generalized as to become arbitrary.  Whilst they may have a very broad leaning towards the truth, they are useless when applied to individuals.

What we really need is a system by which we can think of gender in clearer terms, and for that, I have a suggestion:

Cock and balls = man.

Vagina and tits = woman.

Our transgender friends don’t allow this to be 100% effective, but as a rule of thumb, I reckon it’s good enough.

I am more than accepting of the fact that some people feel that they fall somewhere between the two extremes.  That’s fine.  Fill your boots.  If it makes you happy, then I’m happy for you, but that doesn’t make you part of another gender.

Why not? 

Because there are only two.

You can ‘identify’ as whatever you like.  That’s your decision.  But why would you expect everyone else to conform to your self-indulgent yammerings?  Why would you expect the rest of the world to defer to your elevated opinion of yourself?  Do you really think the rest of us care about how YOU define YOURSELF?  If you are in any doubt, I feel confident that I can speak for the vast majority of the rest of us when I say that we don’t.  Not even a little bit.  We wish you no harm.  We hope that you manage to come to peace with yourself, but we are not going to walk on eggshells trying to figure out how to address you.  Those of us who do are only exacerbating the problem.

I watched an interview the other day in which a person of undefinable gender said that using the wrong pronoun to refer to him was an act of violence.  I have given this some serious thought, and can now say with absolute confidence, no it isn’t!  Punching him in the dick would be an act of violence.  Kicking him in the balls would be an act of violence.  Failing to recognise that he identifies as a cheeseburger or something isn’t, and the fact that his dick and balls are there in the first place strongly suggests that he’s male.

Grantham Montgomery.

Minister of Stuff.

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